I have been on my journey for 5 almost 6 months now and it feels like it. I feel like a completely different person to who I was before I left, for the better. My heart is in a different place. I see how my motivations are no longer about doing things because I am a missionary, but because these people need to know the man I am in love with, the King of the universe, my Jesus. They need to know Him and I feel a righteous Holy anger growing inside me every time I think about the lies Satan convinces people to believe. He hates us so much that he wants to drag as many people down to hell with him in the final days. That is not okay especially when you think about everything God is offering us. Even the lowest of the low places in heaven are far more glorious than any lost city of Gold. It all makes the feelings of leaving everything and everyone behind not so hard. Even though at times you really feel like you are sacrificing so much. Every time you hear about another of your friends weddings or the birth of their first child, even missing out on birthdays. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but it adds up after a while.
I want to be completely vulnerable with you all. I don't just want to write another cookie cutter blog about how amazingly easy this trip is or how much I am thriving while being here, but I also want to be honest. Now some of that at times may be true, at times I absolutely thrive, however it is still a huge process every day. This last season (as in the one I have been in the last 3 months) has been one of the crappiest seasons I have ever been through. Everyday feelings of loneliness, tiredness, feeling as if you bring nothing to the team, and are really not even wanted and or needed. Feelings of defeat and as if all the giftings you once were so strong in are now just non existent. I felt unimportant and dis unified. Literally every day I felt as if my flesh was being ripped from my body. Humility is the only thing I can feel. If you know me, you know having to rely on other people is not one of my strongest gifts, but everyday that is all I am having to do. Trust people and most importantly trust God.
One day as I was sharing my heart with one of my sisters on the team I began to hear myself talk and what I heard I really didn't like. I have been believing all these lies. Satan knows the season I am in and he knows exactly what is going to birth out of this season and it scares him. For a while it seemed every area in my life that I have struggled with was being targeted all at once and I didn't understand why. Every Insecurity I have ever had was completely re-enforced. Now I have a better understanding . It is complete crap what I was believing about myself, the team and my purpose for being here. Satan is just trying to destroy what God was trying to restore in me. Jesus Has something so big planned for my life and this season has horrible as it is, is right. Jesus needs to strip away all my self-reliance and my focus from me and other things to only Him! Without that any kind of ministry or work in my near future will die. He is teaching me humility and giving me the chance to learn first hand what that looks like everyday. To tell you the truth it sucks, but I am so thankful for it at the same time. I think that is the only thing that has gotten me through this far is Thankfulness.
This season like I said before is teaching me not only humility, but also who I am in Christ and even on my crappiest days how much authority in Him I actually carry. It is not fun knowing that the people you live with are seeing you continually at your worst, but it joy and grace are definitely common. I am learning and seeing first hand the complete goodness of God. I need him so much and I have drawn the line in the sand. Areas in my life that were once gray are becoming black and white the way they were intended to be. I know this season is not close to being over, but already I feel like a new creation.
Living in Community during this season..... Builds the most grace of all. Because people don't know what you are going through because most of them didn't know you before and are only seeing you now. That in itself is humbling. Someone one day can say something that on any other day would not normally hold much meaning to you, but because of the season makes you feel lower than dirt and rips at your heart. However, there is no where to stuff the hurt like you once were able to do because God has been closing up all those holes you once used. Every day is a challenge. But in that challenge I feel God is standing over me with a big bucket of Grace and Forgiveness and waiting for the moments I need them the most to pour it out. Without that my first thoughts would be to cut back or seek justice, but because of His goodness my first thoughts are to forgive and forget because they don't know what I am going through. It is supernatural. As I feel the lowest of the low God reminds me of how loved and needed in His kingdom I am. I am chosen for the end times battle and that in itself is honoring enough to stick through what ever challenge I may face.
The people in this family are here in my life for a reason as much as they may stretch me they are the perfect people for the job. I am so thankful for them, but I am not sure if I told them that they would fully understand why. They continually are teaching me and loving me. Even in the hurtful things that are said and done (which will when you live in community) I am thankful because I am learning true Grace, and Humility and letting God be their righteous judge.
While on this journey I have seen Gods continual hand on the team and in the things we do. He has shown up in so many miraculous ways. Blind men seeing, deaf men hearing, villages repenting of witchcraft and returning to God, The spirit of religion that holds this Latin American people group captive shaking in fear because he knows his time of reign is coming to an end. I am very physically tired right now. After returning form the jungle we had a day here in Lima at the YWAM base before we made the extremely fast decision to go to Macchu Picu. It was indescribable in human words. If there are places like this on earth what is heaven going to look like? We spent time on the mountain worshiping and praising Jesus. We took communion and chanted “Who is approaching the gates!? The Lord Strong and Mighty, The Lord Mighty in Battle!” We chanted until we go kicked off. Then we prayed for the Security guard and he was really blessed. God is going to take back Peru starting form the high places. Next we head out for Tacna, Peru where We Will Go Ministries Peru base is (Amy Lancaster's ministries). The from there Chile. Please be praying for our Vehicles as one of them has been broken for over a month now and we need to be able to sell it within three days. Well as guidance for what to do with the Pop-ups that are now both broken and causing for damage to the cars having to tow them.
I love you all so much Thank you for all the support you have been giving me. You really have no Idea the difference it makes knowing there are people back home contending for me and blessing me. I would not have been able to make it this far without all of your help financially and spiritually.
I am not sure what God is going to do in these next seasons to come, but please pray that I hear Him clearly and only follow His words.
There are so many exciting things to come and I can not wait to share them all with you!
Much Love and Many blessings,
Rachael Michelle Singleton
Just so I am not leaving anything on a sour Note I am doing great... Now that I know what has actually been happening.